You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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