i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
