I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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