A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
