Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
