It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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