fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
