my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
