I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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