I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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