My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
