Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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