Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
