ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
