i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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