is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
