I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
