I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
