how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
