mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
