im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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