Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
