im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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