Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
