check it out our google latitudes are spooning
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
