If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
