Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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