why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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