on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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