i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
