Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
