Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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