I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
