Welp...herpes.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
