I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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