Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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