she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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