New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
