i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
