Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
