I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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