dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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