i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
