you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
