Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Houston, we have a blender
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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