And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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