No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
