Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
