Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
