On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
