literally had 100 drinks last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
