so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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