walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
