I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
