It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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