I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
