I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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