I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize