went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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