she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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