I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
