What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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