There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
