I haven't been this sober since birth.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
