you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
